Alan Christopher Mizzell

So much has happened since I last posted. We bought a home! Our moms came out to visit (at the same time, and they finally met for the first time!), and we had our 5th child - Alan Christopher Mizzell. This is his birth story.

Alan was supposed to come on February 8th. Even though I wasn't due until March 4th, my doctor wanted to induce me early because of the complications that can come with delivery and having Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. He was leaving town on vacation on the 9th, and wouldn't be back until the 22nd. All of my kids, except Anastasia, were born prior to 38 weeks and he wasn't sure I'd make it until the 22nd since I'd be 38 weeks 3 days. However, to induce in Nebraska prior to 39 weeks you have to have an amnio that confirms lung maturity.

To prepare for the delivery we had our moms come out and visit. They had never met each other before and we thought this would be a great time to finally meet! The plan was for Chris's mom to care for Anthony and David during delivery (we'd take Charlie and Anastasia with us), and for my mom to be in the delivery room since she's never seen me give birth before. I began having a lot of bloody show around the 5th of February and my husband and mom were both convinced I wasn't even going to make it to my induction.

On the 8th we all went to my MFM doctor for my amnio. Oh my goodness that was painful! My MFM rocked it out and it went very quickly, but as soon as the needle was inserted in my uterus I slightly shifted and ended up contracting around the needle. It burned after that. Afterwards they have to monitor you for an hour to make sure you aren't going into labor and that the baby isn't in distress. Alan was not happy. His heartrate was in the 200's and stayed there for about half an hour before it finally came down and stayed down. The results came back that his lungs were not mature. We found out at my OB appt that afternoon that his numbers were only 19, and they need 40's to 50's to be considered mature. He was REALLY not ready. I was upset, but I didn't want him to come if he wasn't ready.

I felt really bad for Chris's mom. She had wanted to come out at the end of February but I convinced her to come out earlier so she could meet my mom.

My doctor told me we should try another amnio on the 21st with an induction on the 22nd. I told him I didn't think I'd make it and I really didn't want another amnio. He told me I might make it, and that I could think on it and make the decision at my next appt on Monday. Since he was out of town I was to have my appt with the PA.

That week I talked to Chris a lot about it. I was having spells of contractions every 5-7 minutes, but they weren't intense, and after a few hours they'd peter out. I never had this happen with any other pregnancy, and it was really wearing me down. Chris had the car packed and ready for the hospital, and he drilled the kids with what they needed to do if we had to jump into the car in the middle of the night. My EDS was getting really bad, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to walk. By my appt I had made my decision. If he didn't come on his own before then, we'd induce on the 22nd.

The PA seemed surprised by my decision. She said there wasn't any instructions in my file about the induction, but she'd call my doctor on vacation and confirm. I felt bad that his vacation was getting disrupted, but they assured me that he was okay with it. I had contracted all night prior to my appt, and my cervix was now 2 cm and 60%.

On the 21st he still hadn't come, so off to the MFM we went. The second amnio was just as painful, and this time it was performed low down so my waistband and my seatbelt kept irritating the site. Alan reacted a lot better this time, and his heartrate never became elevated. The whole office was giving me good luck charms, and doing good luck rituals to try to encourage my results to come back as mature. They worked! His lungs were mature! We got the results after only 30 minutes - probably because the kids were behaving so awfully.

That night, again, I began having contractions. I joked that Alan was going to make me go through the horrible amnio and then come on his own anyway. He didn't.

Originally I was supposed to arrive at the hospital at 7 am, but my doctor had to perform surgery at another hospital at that time, and he was afraid I'd deliver before he got back. So instead he wanted us to show up at 9:30 and they'd start pitocin at 11. This worked better for us, because we have to get the kids to school around 7:30. My friend Debra was kind enough to agree to pick the kids up from school that afternoon, as I wasn't sure how long I'd be in labor.

After we took the kids to school we went to grab breakfast. I wanted iHop but there wasn't time, so we went to the donut place instead. I hate donuts, but it was quick and easy. I made the biggest mistake and had orange juice which made me have the most horrendous acid reflux.

We got to the hospital shortly after 9 so we could register, and then we were escorted to labor and delivery. I got my IV in and answered all the nurses questions. She didn't seem to believe that I had as short of labors as I claimed, and was surprised that we were supposed to start the epidural prior the pitocin. On the monitor I was contracting pretty regularly, and she asked if I could feel them. I told I could but they weren't bad, and it had been happening off and on for the past week. At 11 she started the pitocin even though I hadn't gotten my epidural yet. I told her that I wasn't sure I wanted to do that, and she assured me I'd have the epidural prior to the pitocin kicking in. Almost immediately my contractions became more uncomfortable, but 15 minutes later the anesthesiologist arrived. He came accompanied by the nurse anesthetist, who was still learning to administer epidurals. I HATE being someones guinea pig, but I didn't argue. She pushed the tube to the left about 5 times before she finally got it where it needed to be. I knew my epidural was going to be a lot more stronger on that side, and it was.

My left leg was dead to the world, my right leg was a little numb, but I wasn't in pain. I didn't realize how much pain I was in until I had my epidural. It was like heaven. I think every EDS patient should get an epidural occasionally just for the mental relief! At 11:30 and then again at 12 she turned my pitocin up. At 1 my OB showed up and checked me. I was dilated to a 3 and about 80% effaced. I told him I was surprised it was taking so long, and he informed me that was because I wasn't in labor yet. He broke my water, and told me he'd suit up and stay nearby. At 2:30 my nurse came in and checked me, I was 4 cm, and 80%. She told me I was officially in labor. Around 3 I began feeling pain around my amnio site every time I had a contraction. It hurt pretty badly and the nurse gave me a push button for my epidural. She didn't check me, I don't think she really believed how fast my labors were. She told me she'd check me at 3:30. About 15 minutes later my contractions became unbearable in that spot. The monitor suddenly shot up and said my contractions were registering at a 150+ and staying there. Chris decided now was the time to change Charlie's diaper and strap him on his back (yes, we had Charlie and David with us!) and put cartoons on for David.

I wasn't crying, but I was moaning and tears were s+treaming down my face. I rolled onto my side to try to alleviate the pain some, and in doing so the monitor slipped off Alans heartrate and lost him. The nurse came back in and I told her I was in a lot of pain and that the push button wasn't working. She checked me and looked startled and told me she was getting the doctor. The next thing I know the doctor and a bunch of nurses are running into the room and prepping me for delivery. Alan was already crowning! Chris managed to get Charlie strapped on and raced over to the bed. Doctor Schropp was already prepped, like he said he would be, and told me to push once. I pushed and Alan was born at 3:33 pm, weighing 6 lbs 10.5 oz and was 20 inches. I couldn't believe how much he weighed! He is our biggest baby yet! I think he would have been born on his own if they hadn't come in to the room. The pain was most likely caused by the amnio the day before.

I had a pretty bad episiotomy, like normal, and it's been a bit of a painful recovery.

Alan is 5 days old and doing well. He's nursing like a champ, he's already peed on me three times, and all the kids adore him. Charlie isn't fond of sharing his nursies, but he's getting better. I'll have to do another post later with pictures, my little Alansaurus is calling :)

I haven't forgotten, just processing

I haven't forgotten the challenge, in fact I have two more posts awaiting in the wings for when I get a free moment to write them up. I suppose this is a free moment, but I need to process my thoughts first.

I was asked a few times if I'm disappointed that the baby is a boy. Of course I'm not! I don't understand going through the excitement of becoming pregnant, maintaining that excitement for nearly 20 weeks, only to become disappointed that the baby has the wrong anatomy between their legs. Yes, we wanted a girl because we already have three boys and wanted to give Anastasia a sister, but we aren't upset at all. On the contrary, we are quite happy and thrilled to be having another boy. When we first got together I thought I'd never have any boys. My family seems to only produce girls - so each boy is just an added blessing and surprise.

The ONLY disappointment was the tough decision this created. We always wanted 6 kids and had agreed that if we got our second girl we'd cut it early. I had mixed emotions about this but agreed because Chris really feels finished (although he's said this after each child and then changed his mind and bugged me to get pregnant again). Once we discovered its another boy it became more difficult. I had started to come to terms that this may be the last baby, I was trying to mentally prepare myself for it, and I had hoped if it was a girl I wouldn't really have to make the hard decision, but I do.

For the past few days I had been trying to rationalize stopping, because rationally speaking there are a lot of good reasons to say our family is complete.

1. We have a large family

2. 4 teenage boys is already daunting (food bill wise), what if the next is a boy and we have 5 teenage boys to feed?

3. Pregnancy is HARD on my body and my EDS. I've become more high risk with each pregnancy, and it takes a while for me to recover afterwards.

4. Chris is ready to stop

5. I have been pregnant, or breastfeeding, or both for the past 8 years with only a 12 month break total.

6. We are held back by having a newborn or me being pregnant and can't do a lot of family activities because of it

7. I'm tired.

8. I tried to reason that, miscarriage included, I've been pregnant 6 times.

BUT....

In the back of my head was one very loud voice saying that I'd regret not having my original 6. That was a very loud annoying voice. And I kept trying to quiet it with all the logical reasons above but I couldn't. I kept telling Chris to give me a few days and I'd try to come to terms with it.

Then today Anastasia discovered the stash of Charlie's ultrasound pictures and looking at them had me overwhelmingly sad and upset at the prospect of not having one more baby after this. It's purely emotional but it's still a huge factor. My whole life I have wanted 6 kids. My whole adult life has been spent making that happen. I have put things on hold, changed my dreams and goals, and sacrificed a lot to achieve this. I feel as if we had 6 kids waiting in the wings and if we stop we've only opened our arms to 5 and told the 6th to take a hike. I know the child isn't physically made yet but I believe in fate and I believe that everything happens for a reason. I won't be able to shake not having that 6th baby. My husband is an Atheist and this isn't a reason he'll ever understand or accept but it is how I feel.

As for the logic up above -

1. We have a large family - Whats one more child to an already large family? Welcoming Charlie into our family didn't affect me at all, I suspect it will be the same with "Stormageddeon" (the baby's nickname). A 6th child will be just as loved as the first 5 and I have always felt a calling to welcome any person into my home. I am a caregiver by nature.

2. 4 teenage boys is already daunting (food bill wise), what if the next is a boy and we have 5 teenage boys to feed? - This is daunting, but we'll manage. We always do. I'll have a good paying job at that point, we should have been debt free for quite some time, and Chris will be higher ranking. I tend to cook for an army anyway as we have an open door policy on dinner at our home. Everyone is welcome.

3. Pregnancy is HARD on my body and my EDS. I've become more high risk with each pregnancy, and it takes a while for me to recover afterwards. - This isn't one I take lightly. I will never take my health or my body lightly or for granted again. I AM looking forward to getting my body back permanently and trying to salvage as much as I can for the years to come. Having EDS is tough, every day is a challenge, but it's worth it. I fought so hard in physical therapy and occupational therapy FOR my family. My PT said she'd never seen anyone work so hard. I've had to cut a lot of dreams out of my life because of EDS, I've had to make a lot of sacrifices in my life because of EDS. There isn't a person on this earth who can fully relate to how hard I push myself daily, because they aren't me. I'm not going to just give up. There are days I want to, but I push through it because of my family. I'm not going to stop anytime soon.

As for being high risk, I am high risk and that is something to think about. However, as long as I'm closely monitored my risks go way down. I'll never have the birth I've envisioned, but thats a sacrifice I'm okay with.

4. Chris is ready to stop - This is the biggest deciding factor. I love my husband more than I've ever loved anyone (except my kids perhaps, but thats a different kind of love). He's my favorite person in the world, he's my best friend, and it's equally his decision to have more or not have more kids. If he doesn't change his mind all of this is a moot point. I can't, in good conscience, have another child if he doesn't want to. It takes TWO to have a kid, and only one to prevent it. I love him enough to put aside my feelings for his if thats how he really feels.

5. I have been pregnant, or breastfeeding, or both for the past 8 years with only a 12 month break total. - I have done a number on my body over the past 8 years, but adding a few more years into that isn't a big deal. I mean, afterall, women did it for centuries and look at Michelle Duggar - she's still trucking! I love nursing, I love being pregnant, I will miss both when I'm done for good.

6. We are held back by having a newborn or me being pregnant and can't do a lot of family activities because of it - Having a 6th would mean putting everything on hold for a few more years. I'd be pushing back going to school, getting a job, doing older kid activities.... But it would be worth it. And it's only 2 additional years. Our 6th would be born around December 2013/Janurary 2014.

7. I'm tired. - What parent isn't tired? As long as it doesn't affect my ability to be a good parent this isn't really a big deal.

8. I tried to reason that, miscarriage included, I've been pregnant 6 times. - I have been pregnant 6 times, like originally planned, but I don't want to include Baby C in my 6 kids. It sounds awful. Every year we honor the day we miscarried, October 12th, 2007, in some way. We haven't forgotten that baby at all, but I feel as if that babies time wasn't then. As if, spiritually, that baby is going to be born at some point, if he or she hasn't already, so he or she wasn't really lost. Again, not something Chris is going to understand or agree with. It's just always how I have felt.

So at the end of all of this I DO want another. I do want my 6th. I'm not sure if we will have a 6th, it all depends on if we can agree. I am NOT upset or disappointed that this baby is a boy, I just want to make that clear.

Feeling like a whale, and stuff

I feel like a whale. Here I am at 14 weeks 5 days. I think my body has given up on me and has just decided to pretend we're already nearly done. I was looking at belly shots of when I was pregnant with Anastasia, I wasn't much bigger than this at 32 weeks 5 days. I am so excited to eventually be done being pregnant and get my body back into rocking shape and LEAVE IT THERE.

Some where along the way I've lost my brain. Completely lost it. Without thinking I volunteered to not only be a Girl Scout Leader but to completely START UP a new troop. Completely. This is really stressing me out as there is so much to do and all the literature was kind of dumped on our laps without too much guidance. We (another insane mother volunteered with me) have to start a business bank account once we decide on dues and convince other parents to give us money, map out an entire year of girl scouting, make sure the girls are earning patches and petals, and adhering to Girl Scout Guidelines (which are actually pretty relaxed which only makes it more difficult to figure out a starting point).

As if my insanity hadn't caused enough stress, at Anthony's first Cub Scout meeting it was revealed that they didn't have any den leaders for his Wolves den. So of course I volunteered. I can't help myself. I've been told numerous times in the past I need to learn to say "no" but I can't. I can't ignore someone in need. It will be my downfall. Luckily, the previous Wolves Den Leader was super organized and just handed me all her supplies, so this will be a lot easier than the GS. Plus, I'm one of 7 leaders in the Pack and all of them have been supportive, which is a lot more help than just one other mom who has no idea what she is doing either.

The Blue and Gold ceremony for the CS is only 7 days after my tentative induction date. Originally it was ON my induction date, but thank goodness it's not anymore! As long as I'm out of the hospital I'll be there! I get cabin fever sitting at home too much.

Couple all of this with raging hormones, a flare of my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and looser joints (which means more dislocation and pain) and I am worn out. I'll rest when I'm dead I suppose!

9 weeks 1 day

When I was in the ER this weekend the doctor told me I was beginning to show. I had kind of been in denial up until then, but after that Chris kept telling me that I DID look pregnant. This is me at 9 weeks 1 day.

Ended back up in the ER!

Chris and I were about to walk out for a date night and I went to the bathroom and there was a gush of bright red blood. I freaked out and told Chris we needed to go to the ER so he loaded the kids up and took them to the babysitter anyway and met me at the ER. They were so kind. I was crying and could hardly talk while giving them my information but they were very sympathetic and patient. They told me they couldn't do much for me but drew some blood to check my HCG level and took me down to ultrasound.

We saw the baby. Absolutely beautiful! Normally they don't let you see the screen or tell you anything but they let me watch and I was so grateful. I didn't even need a transvaginal. The baby actually looks like a baby now. It was the most adorable looking thing, and I could even see the little outlines of it's little fingers. It had it's hands near it's mouth And we saw a beautiful heartbeat! The baby looked wonderful.

I saw the same doctor I saw last time. He said the bleed is in the same spot. It had been trying to clot off but now it's bleeding again. Chris and I had sex the night before and I worry that it caused the bleed. The doctor said I'm on indefinite pelvic rest for now - no orgasms, and no penetration of any kind. Thankfully Chris was there and heard it from him! He thinks I have a 95% chance of delivering a healthy baby, which means I still have 5x the risk of miscarriage as the average person but its still good odds. This babe is holding on tight!

Chris had damaged his foot last week so while we were there they took the stitches out for him too, which I was grateful for! He was youtubing how to do it himself! His doctor who stitched him was the same one I saw both times so it was kind of funny.

Baby is a little troublemaker!

The reason I haven't posted is I didn't want to relay bad news.

On July 4th I went to the ER after three days of light pink bleeding. On the 4th it picked up a bit and became clots, but was still light pink in color or brown. No bright red thank goodness! But I was scared enough, especially since EDS can raise your risk of many things during pregnancy - such as a placental abruption and miscarriage. The ER was very nice which is much different than my experience when I miscarried back in 2007. Even though I was early, roughly 5 weeks 2 day, nobody made me feel ridiculous for being worried I was miscarrying.

They ran a few tests, a urine analysis, and HCG blood draw, and two ultrasounds (abdominal and transvaginal). The HCG came back great at 1418 which was a relief. However, one of the ultrasounds showed a moderate to large bleed under the placenta (which would increase my risk of miscarriage, and in later pregnancy would be akin to a placental abruption). I was told to have hope but that I would most likely lose the baby. I was devastated.

I've spent the last few days guzzling water, and resting as much as I can. I went back to the OB yesterday to have another HCG draw. I'm still awaiting results.

The good news is the bleeding has completely stopped. Morning sickness set in yesterday and hasn't let up. A lot of things I've read online and from my friends have said that there is a good possibility I WON'T lose this baby. I also read that it can be hard to diagnose a subchorionic hematoma so early in pregnancy because it may resemble that of a gestational sac. So I have hope. And hopefully next week I'll have great news!

Exhausted

It's amazing how quickly this pregnancy is taking the life out of me. I've never been tired this early before. I guess your body reacts quicker when you've had so many kids. I know I promised a blog post about the desk and I will deliver sometime this week/weekend.

Today the clinic confirmed the pregnancy. It feels so great to have it confirmed. The kids are super excited too. I am due between March 4th and March 9th and will deliver between February 11th, and February 16th.

And Baby Makes 5!

Thats right! We are pregnant again! I'm due between March 3rd and March 7th making me 3 weeks 4 days to 4 weeks 1 day pregnant - so still very early. I am very excited but also quite calm this time around. We let Anthony read the test to the kids and he was so excited as was Anastasia. David doesn't really care and Charlie has no clue what is going on. One of my best friends just found out she is pregnant and is due March 6th so we are literally due within days of each other!

I'm preparing myself for the comments that always seem to come with pregnancy. So....

1) Yes, we know what causes this. It's hand holding, right? We quit holding hands years ago and yet we still keep finding ourselves knocked up. It's strange. Perhaps it's because we keep sleeping in the same bed.

This pregnancy was planned, and we are quite happy.

2) No, we are not trying to beat any records. Five kids is hardly a record. The record for most children is 69 (you can find the link here) I highly doubt that 5 is anywhere near enough to constitute a record. When I give birth to my 60th child, (which at this rate will happen when I'm 140 years old) then feel free to ask me if I am trying to set a record.

3) Yes, we can afford them. Why is it that whenever a woman gets pregnant people feel as if all social politeness no longer applies? Do I get to ask you if you can afford to buy that new car when I know you are behind on bills? How about can I ask you how you feel you can afford to pay for that new home? Are salon visits really affordable? Are you sure you can afford your tenth pair of shoes?

It is rude to inquire about someones finances, regardless of whether their uterus contains a child. If I was on food stamps or welfare perhaps I can understand your concern about me being able to AFFORD a new child, but it is still rude to ask. For the record, we are not on Government Assistance, and yes - we can afford another child. We wouldn't be dumb enough to have a child we couldn't afford (at least not on purpose).

4) "You can only afford to have more because you have Tricare". Um, okay? And...? Isn't that the point of insurance, and having a job with benefits? My husband chose a job that has amazing benefits. We know it has great benefits. One of them is we don't have to pay out of pocket for prenatal, labor and delivery, or post natal care among other things. The only reason I could afford my wrist fusions are because of Tricare. I don't see why we should feel bad about having health insurance. I'm pro-UHC so I believe everyone should have health coverage. I won't apologize for it.

5) "You're too young to have 5 kids!" Obviously, I am not. I'm turning 26 next month. Yes, I am young. I am not, however, TOO young. I had my oldest when I turned 19. I graduated from High School, I have supported myself since I was 18 years old without help from family, or the government. I may be young but I am an adult and have been for nearly 8 years.

6) No, we are not trying to create a sports team. We don't even watch sports.

7) It's not our fault the world is going to crap. We may have had more children than we needed to in order to replace ourselves, but our carbon footprint is still far less than those who waste and overuse. We don't drive Hummers, we DO recycle and reuse, we use cloth products and we breastfeed (no formula cans). We are less wasteful than many families who are smaller than we are.

I'm sure there are more points to be made, in fact I'm positive. It seems that a womans uterus is everyones business. However, it's annoying. So before you ask me something dumb, or make an ignorant comment why don't you just say "Congratulations" instead and not look like an arsehole?