On Monday I went back to the surgeon and I got the all clear to remove the brace from my left arm. It's been nearly 6 months since I've had surgery on that hand and it feels so odd to have nothing on it! I still haven't regained full feeling in my hand, and he said it make take a year or longer to do so. When something hits the metal plate the shivers it causes are flipping nauseating. It's also weird, my metal plate gets cold! It will feel 2 or 3 degrees cooler than the rest of my hand. This will be a fun winter.
Anthony restarts public school on the 6th. I am very apprehensive but we've talked it through and this is what he wants. We'll continue homeschool in addition to his public school and keep a close eye on the issues that made us pull him in the first place.
On Christmas Santa is going to "forget" a major gift. Chris's mom (The kids "Gigi") is coming out to visit. Santa is supposed to bring her but will forget so Chris will have to go meet him at the airport to retrieve her. I'm sure the kids will have a blast. I'm honestly a bit nervous, well a lot nervous, but the last visit went well so hopefully this one does too. She is making an honest effort to not overstep her boundaries again, and she is doing very well. I do have to give her credit there. I'm not sure our relationship will ever be uncomplicated again, some things you just can't erase or forget about, but I think we can have a good relationship. I first need to learn to forgive, something that doesn't come easily to me, and to retrust - something I've never been able to do. But for my kids sake, Chris's sake, and her sake I am trying. Where I am now is not where I was then - so that stress is alleviated. I'm not easily pushed around, and I'm much more comfortable in my style of parenting. I think she also knows what is at stake as we've told her that if what happens last time happens again there will be no more chances. I can't put my children through that. I don't think it will come to that. At this time we seem to be doing well with each other. I'm not sure if she still feels the same way about me that she used to, and that may be part of the problem I'm having. I'm very easy to trust people, but when you break my trust I am unable to ever trust you again. I did trust her a lot, and that trust was broken. I'm trying, for the first time, to retrust her and it's not easy. In the back of my mind there is always that, "does she feel the same way?" thought. So right now I'm having a lot of anxiety - probably unnecessarily - towards her visit that I'm working through. Thank goodness for therapy!
On an unrelated (and I mean that!) I am planning on switching to a standard book style blog in addition to this one. I use this one as a way to "update" those I care about and those who care about me - but I am currently trying to come to term with things from my childhood/teenage years and can't do that publicly. So I may not post as much, or rather, my posts will continue to be sporadic as I try to work through what I need to work through in order to be a happier person.
"melody," a poem
2 months ago