Attachment Parenting is not a tool for spoiling!

Earlier this week I encountered a conversation with some friends of a friend that actually surprised me. I suppose I am so use to be surrounded by people who at least can admit that validity in Attachment style Parenting that I'm not used to people completely dismissing it as a form of spoiling.

I love Dr. Sears view on the subject, "Spoiling happens when a child is put on the shelf, left alone, forgotten about--the way that food spoils."

I'm not speaking ill of methods of parenting, but I do believe whole heartily in the logic with AP and there are numerous studies and research to back it up.

Baby wearing is not "new age". Wearing your children has been around since the dawn of time practically, and nearly every culture has their own ways to do it. Strollers are more new age. The first stroller was invented in the 1700's. Babies were worn long before then. It's not new, and it's doesn't spoil the baby. Studies actual show that a child who is attended to, a child raised in the AP style, tends to be more independent and well adjusted when they grow up. Thats not to say using a stroller will make your child dependent and maladjusted, it's just more in favor for babywearing.

Not all baby wraps and slings are made equal. Snugglie, Baby Bjorn, ect are very bad for baby's spine. The more primitive the carrier the better for baby. Slings, wraps (like Moby's) and soft structured carriers are far better. The ERGO is a good compromise as the baby sits, rather than dangles. Plus the baby is skin to skin with mama where the Baby Bjorn and Snugglie are more in a pouch.

The other comments made were about breastfeeding. It is NOT child molestation to breastfeed your child past the first birthday. The biological age of weaning is between 2 and 7 years of age.

Just because babe can eat food doesn't suddenly make breastmilk unhealthy. I love this quote, " the first six months of breastfeeding are clearly much more important in terms of the baby's nutrition and immunological development than the six months from 3.5 to 4.0 years. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't continue to provide breast milk if your baby wants and you don't mind. It would be like saying, "Well Mabel, we don't get very much income from that oil well anymore. Used to get $56 a month in royalties, now we're lucky if we get $25 a year. Guess we should tell that oil company just to keep their durn money." And Mabel says, in return "Good grief, Clyde, don't be ridiculous. That check still buys $25 worth of food. Where has your mind gone to now?""

Breasts were made to feed our babies. The sexual pleasure some women and men derive from them, are not their first function. Nursing a child is no more sexual than changing their diaper. Anyone who thinks otherwise is the pervert - not the mother nursing. The health benefits to nursing are far to numerous to list, but are undeniable. Nursing a child will not spoil them or make them grow up to be sexual predators.

Whether you are an attached parent or a traditional parent there should be respect for the way other people parent. There also has to be acknowledgment when research and history tells you that something is beneficial and not harmful.

A whole bunch of stuff...

It seems as though when one thing in your life is thrown out of balance everything else seems to follow.  I've been meaning to compose my thoughts here, but I'm having a hard time thinking clearly with everything going on.  I apologize if this post comes off as harried.

Surgery is set and approaching quickly.  As the 23rd nears I'm becoming more and more nervous.  This isn't a minor surgery, it's completely life altering.  Every day that passes now is the last day of the week that I'll have the ability to bend my left wrist.  With that said, surgery couldn't come soon enough.  I've had to increase my pain killers by quite a few just to get through the day without being a total mess from pain.  

I've been battling with the hospital I'm having my surgery at over my rights to breastfeed following surgery.  They told me that I couldn't nurse for 24 hours following surgery.  I know this is false, and old school thinking.  New studies show that as soon as mom is awake and alert enough to nurse she can.  I explained this to the Robin, the scheduler at my surgeons office and she told me I needed to be "realistic" and that "nursing isn't that important".  She also told me that in 20 years of working she's never come "this close" to losing it on a patient before.  Finally she contacted a liaison at the hospital I'm having the surgery at for me to discuss this with.  Unfortunately, Sue is quite similar to Robin and I continued to get an ear full.  I told Sue that I'd be more than happy to have my IBCLC, Debbie, contact her.  She said that was fine, I'm assuming in an attempt to get me off the phone, and hung up.  Debbie called her and Sue refused to speak with her because of HIPPA!  So I called Sue back and this sparked a few more phone calls between us hashing this out.  At one point she told me they'd cancel my surgery if I tried to nurse Charlie.  I told her I wanted documented evidence that this was harmful to my son, and if it was for liability I would sign a waiver.  I said I had no issues coming up there in person with the studies in hand, my IBCLC, and a representative from the LLL.  Sue promised to get back to me.  A week and half later I still hadn't heard from her and she wasn't returning my phone calls so Debbie finally got her on the phone and asked Sue to set up a meeting between us and the anesthesiologist.  At first Sue said I wouldn't be able to speak to the anesthesiologist until the day of my surgery, but at Debbies urging she agreed to set up an appt.  This morning I had my meeting with them.  I pre-registered for the surgery, they showed me around, and then they brought in the anesthesiologist that is going to be there for my surgery.  She was awesome, and assured me that I would be able to nurse as soon as I wanted to.  There was no issues at all.  I felt bad that Debbie accompanied me to the appt, but am very happy with the outcome.  This was my first real adventure in Lactivism and certainly gave me a taste of what I'll do some day as an IBCLC.

So as all this approaches we also find out that David has a pretty severe hernia and is going in for surgery himself on the 9th.  Charlie is still having breathing issues.  And as a family we are dealing with some personal issues concerning one of our children that is taking an extreme emotional toll on us.  I'm hoping that the Karmic universe gives us a break here soon.

Saw the Surgeon Again

I saw my surgeon again on Friday.  After reading the report from the rheum. he asked me if we wanted to set a date up for surgery.  My left wrist is the one that is bothering me the most, so we are fusing that wrist first.  Surgery is set for June 23rd.  I'll go in at 11 am, and the surgery is scheduled for 1 pm.  They booked the OR for 2 hours, and said I should be back in recovery with Chris and Charlie by 4 pm.  Right now we are fighting for the right to breastfeed after surgery.  I know Charlie will need a bottle while I'm in the surgery, which frightens me to no end, but the doctors are telling me they don't want me nursing for 24 hours after surgery.  That isn't going to happen.  All the literature shows that a nursing mom can nurse as soon as she is alert.  There is no danger to baby except the possibility of passing out and smothering the child - so it should never be done without supervision.  I tried to explain this to them, but they weren't listening and the scheduling nurse was very condescending.  I told her I'd contact my IBCLC if that would help, and she set me up with a liaison at the hospital where the surgery would be.  The hospital agreed to allow Chris and Charlie to room with me, so that was one hurdle that was cleared.  On Tuesday my IBCLC is contacting the hospital on my behalf and working it out with anesthesiologist, not only for me but to educate him for future surgeries on lactating women.  It will be quite a feat to nurse, but I will let nothing deter me.  For the first week after the surgery I can't move my arm at all, I can't even bend my fingers.  It will require a lot of discipline on my part, and I think I'll spend most of it in bed with Charlie.  For that week I'll be in a heavy gauze wrapping, and a half cast.  After one week I'll be put in a hard cast up to my elbow for 6 weeks, and then I will be put in a removable brace for 6 more weeks.  The fusion will be complete after 9-12 months at which point I'll have the metal bracing removed.  A few months after my left wrist is operated on we'll do the same to the right wrist. My IBCLC is coming out to teach me to nurse one armed, and bringing me a special pillow to assist me.  I really do love her.  She's been there since I had Anastasia.  She was shocked when she got the message that I needed help, she knew I didn't need latching or the normal type help.  I'm constantly keeping her on her feet!

Now that surgery is scheduled the reality of it is hitting me.  This just plain sucks.  My arm is going to look deformed and scarred up.  I will never move my wrist again.  I will have to relearn how to live and function. Three more weeks is all I have with mobility in my wrist and unscarred arms.

Well it's official.

After nursing for 3.5 years straight, 18 months of nursing two kids at the same time, my nursing days are over (for now).  David has not been impressed by the lack of milk brought on by the pregnancy, and Anastasia is fully embracing leaving babydom behind.  She tells me that nursies are for baby Charlie now - although occasionally she still talks about them as if she still gets nursies.  She hasn't asked in a week, and David hasn't asked in three weeks.  We always joked that David would wean before she did, I just never thought it would be so soon.  In three more months or so I will resume my nursing status with my newest son but it's still bittersweet to end that relationship with two more of my children.  It's a relationship that once ended will never be repeated again.  One day, I hope, Anastasia will continue by nursing her own children but David and Anthony will never experience those incredibly sweet moments where it's just you and the baby, they'll never experience that pride that comes from having your infant weighed and knowing that the weight put on was because your body did was it was supposed to do.  For my boys the nursing journey is completely over, I only hope that they'll be sweet and supportive of their wives when the time comes.  For my daughter OUR nursing relationship is over but hopefully her journey in breastfeeding is just in hiatus.

Tandem nursing

I have been nursing every day of my life for the past 3 yeas and 5 months. Sadly, I think this may be coming to an end.  I started this pregnancy fully expecting that when the babe was born I would end up TRIandem nursing - now I'm not even sure I'll be Tandem nursing.  Anastasia is down to only nursing a few times a week - and only for a few seconds at that.  David will nurse if offered to him, but never asks for it anymore.  He was never as much into nursing as Anastasia was but I wanted to nurse him until he was at least 2. It seems the dip in my milk supply, due to pregnancy, is deterring him.  He is down to nursing only once a day now, and it's only snacking really.  I knew the day would come when they would wean, I just didn't expect that both of them would do it at the same time! I know we still have a few more nursing sessions left, but it still saddens me that this chapter in their lives, in our relationship, is coming to a close. 

Just a few of the pictures I have of us nursing over the past 3.5 years.  I need to take some more before it's too late.