Sometimes I feel as if I'm drowning

I know I have been awful lately about updating this. I have been so busy being sick, and tired, running after the 4 kids, getting the older 2 ready for school, and dealing with the fallout that school brings. Especially with Anthony.

I feel as if I fell off the wagon a few weeks ago and have been running to get back on - and repeatedly missing it. I have been so stressed out and grumpy that I'm not being the wife, friend, or mother I want to be. I pulled back out my go to author, Dr. Sears, for advice, and am currently rereading "The Discipline book". I don't feel as if I've done the best job of gentle discipline lately. It's so nice to have affirmation that the way I'm parenting isn't bad, and a gentle nudge to get back on track.

Anthony can quickly make me want to bury my head in a pillow and scream as loud as possible. There are days I feel we need to walk on eggshells around him to make sure he doesn't have a meltdown. I talked to his teacher and told her his issues with TV and she replied, "Are you sure its not something YOUR watching at home - he's fine at school". Thanks lady. I'm sure. We don't watch TV when he's home. And his outbursts can come days or hours later, it's not always immediate.

I spent the first 2/3rds of his birthday party dealing with meltdowns and urging him to complete the task he was set to do hours prior to the party. All because Chris, being nice, let them watch a cartoon that morning while we got the house set up.

I don't even know where I'm going with this post, I just needed to vent as I am dealing with, yet another, meltdown this morning and Chris is at the gym and unable to help.